A hard-fought battle

This was not a battle fought with troops and shells, mortar and tanks. There would be no blood shed, no treasures usurped, no kings toppled.

And yet, it was fought boldly and with purpose, driven by principle. Evil forces at work call on the noble and the brave to risk all for Truth. And fight I did. The enemy? Far richer than African war-lords, more cunning than al Queda, this fiend, this bastion of darkness was none other than Southwestern Bell.

Southwestern Bell's Fortress of Deceit

I readied myself for the fight which would be a war of words, full of tactical rhetoric and verbal maneuvers of wit, stealth, and cunning. The slightest hesitation, a subtle uncertainty in tone, a misstep into an unseen snare of double-entendre...any of these could be the deciding factor, the straw--so to speak--that broke the camel's metaphorical back.

And what was at stake, one might ask? My most recent telephone bill, with a new $2.00 monthly charge (plus taxes and fees) for my supposedly free 10-cent-per-minute long distance service. I realize it's not a lot of money, but we're talking about Principle. Multiplied by 12 months, that's $30 I'd rather not spend on a long distance service I don't use.

A moat of mind games surrounded the tower, twisted and loathe to behold. I steadfastly naviagated a maze of computer prompts, and patiently endured 13 minutes of holding music which sometimes crackled as if the connection between an SBC telephone and the motherboard were that tenuous. Deceptive, yet infinitely symbolic.

Finally, a pleasant female voice answered, "Hello, Southwestern Bell! How can I help you, one of our Valued Customers?" I knew better, for even Lucifer was called Angel of Light. And yet, I thought it better that she not know with whom she dealt. Rage would not serve me here. I mustered a tone of polite innocence, "Hi, my name is Jonathan, and I was hoping you could help me with a question about my long-distance bill."

I'm sad to say that this epic ended in defeat for our noble hero. She reminded me that the long-distance service I signed up for was free only for three months; thereafter it would cost $2.00 per month. I asked if it was possible simply to drop the long distance service. Her coup de grace was a threat cloaked as another reminder, "Just to remind you, your clustered DSL service is given at a discounted rate because you have both local and long distance with us. If you drop the long distance, the DSL service rate may increase."

I accepted defeat. After all, this is the stuff of legends: even myths have room for tragic heros. But I stood for Principle, and as I hide in retreat and nurse my wounds, I can't help but think that the Enemy is just a notch weaker. The Tower will fall.